


i tried to change, thinking how easy life could be

by youreapartofthelgbtcommunity



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: Emma cuts her hair and Alyssa goes "Oh no she's hot.", F/F, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, also the homosexual undertones of a good forehead kiss, but I don't think Kyle has a tag, oh also a reference to the peanut brittle incident, poor Alyssa doesn't know what's coming to her, technically its Emma and kyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 00:37:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21485464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youreapartofthelgbtcommunity/pseuds/youreapartofthelgbtcommunity
Summary: Emma Nolan had long hair which she wished was shorter. Emma Nolan had a boyfriend- some boy named Kyle- which she wished she hadn’t. Emma Nolan wore makeup sometimes, which she wished she could wash off every second it was on her face. It had started a while ago- before then Emma wore what was comfortable for her. Flannel, jeans, baggy clothes. She was happy that way. Then Nick spread a rumor Freshman year that she was gay.or delving deeper into the line "I tried to change / thinking how easy life could be" in Unruly Heart
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan, Emma Nolan (The Prom Musical)/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	i tried to change, thinking how easy life could be

Emma Nolan had long hair which she wished was shorter. Emma Nolan had a boyfriend- some boy named Kyle- which she wished she hadn’t. Emma Nolan wore makeup sometimes, which she wished she could wash off every second it was on her face. It had started a while ago- before then Emma wore what was comfortable for her. Flannel, jeans, baggy clothes. She was happy that way. Then Nick spread a rumor Freshman year that she was gay.

Emma didn’t want to be gay, but as the word and her name got thrown around more and more Emma was terrified at how much the word  _ didn’t  _ bother her. It should’ve right? Being gay was a bad thing. You went to hell for being gay. Girls were supposed to like guys, so why didn’t she? So she had hid all her flannels, jackets, and jeans in the back of her closet, and went shopping with her one of her friends at the time, Amanda (or Kaylee, that’s what Emma called her) to get more feminine clothes. If Emma was gay because of what she wore, maybe dressing differently would help. Maybe if Emma was gay because she liked girls, dating a boy would help. So the next day she asked Kyle to the movies because she wouldn’t have to talk to him. Kyle tried to kiss her once, but she was so obviously uncomfortable that luckily Alyssa Greene noticed and interrupted him before he could try anything.

Emma was thankful, but Alyssa Greene was kind of the crux of her problem. Emma found herself swooning every time she had a class with Alyssa. They were almost as close friends as Emma was with her cousin, so much so that Alyssa and her ended up having a little spot they’d go to lunch sometimes when things got to be too much. Mr. Nelson didn’t mind them hanging out in the band closet (if Emma wasn't so scared about being gay, she would've thought being in the closet was funny. But she didn't even want to admit that she knew the term from a deep delve Internet search that didn't help Emma's fear.) sometimes they’d study, or talk about anything and everything they could think about. Emma would talk about her favorite musicals and even though Alyssa wasn’t into theatre, she still hung onto Emma’s every word. It lit up Emma’s life, and always managed to make her day brighter. So maybe Emma had a bit of a crush on Alyssa Greene. That was okay. It didn’t mean she’s gay. Besides, Alyssa was dating Greg and Emma figured that dating Alyssa would violate some kind of bro-code. Not like Emma was thinking about dating Alyssa. Nope.

“Do you like Kyle?” Alyssa asked one day. Emma blinked quickly. She hadn’t really expected that question, but before she could answer Alyssa continued. “I mean, it’s just, you don’t seem comfortable around him at all. I was just wondering, because you don’t need to date someone you’re uncomfortable around.”

“He’s okay.” Emma said quickly. “He’s fine.”

“Emma.” Alyssa gently rested her hand on Emma’s shoulder. The other girl gulped at the chills that shot up her spine. “You can talk to me. You haven’t looked comfortable at all these past three months. Not with him, not in that skirt or these clothes or makeup. What’s going on?”

Emma let herself a rare moment of vulnerability, she let herself feel for the first time in months as she rested her head on Alyssa’s shoulder. “People started to say I was gay, and I thought it was because of my clothes so I went with Kaylee to the mall over in Heaven, and got all my new clothes. I also wanted to cut my hair, but I decided against it because my parents already aren't happy about the stream I dyed. Then I started dating Kyle and the rumors stopped, so I kept dating him.”

Alyssa frowned. “Emma, you can’t date someone you don’t like because you’re afraid people are going to think you’re gay.” Then she paused. “Why are you so afraid of that? You don’t need to say.”

Emma looked up at her, and hoped her eyes could convey every word. Alyssa had gotten the message, and gently ran her fingers through Emma’s hair. “Oh, Em. You need to be who you’re comfortable being. You can’t live your entire life pretending to be somebody you’re not because you’re scared about what other people will think.” She moved the indigo streak in Emma’s hair behind her ear. “You’re amazing the way you are, and if you need support you’ll get it from Greg and I. I’ll always be here, I’ll always support you no matter what you do. I think you’re beautiful no matter what. Okay?”

Emma nodded, tears brimming her eyes. “Alyssa?” She whispered. Alyssa raised an eyebrow and tilted her head. “I’m gay.” Saying the words felt like a weight being lifted off her chest. Alyssa wrapped her into her arms. 

“Thank you for telling me.” Alyssa mumbled.

“Thank you for helping me feel better.” Emma smiled. Then her face dropped. “What are my parents going to think? What’s Greg going to think? Gran? Kaylee? Shelby? Oh god. Alyssa, I can’t be gay.” She gasped, getting up to pace around the small space.

“Emma-”

“My parents will disown me and then so will Gran, and Greg wont talk to me anymore, and Kaylee and Shelby will hate me-”

“Emma.”

“Then I’ll have nobody but you but where would I even stay?” 

Alyssa grabbed Emma’s hand. “Emma, calm down. You’ll be okay. You don’t need to think about that right now, you don’t need to tell anyone. I won’t tell anyone.” She reassuringly squeezed Emma’s hand. “Listen, here’s what I think you should do. If you wanna cut your hair, cut it. If you want to wear flannels, and pins, and baggy clothes do it. If you love girls, Emma, love. That’s a beautiful part of you. Don’t change yourself because you think it’ll make it not hurt. That’ll make it hurt ten times more. 

Emma opened her mouth to speak, but the bell rang. Alyssa leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Emma’s forehead. She reached into her backpack, and pulled out a post it, scribbling something on it and pressing it in Emma’s hand. “If you ever need to talk, Em, here’s my number. I’ll see you in math.” She smiled before walking out.

* * *

“Hey, ‘Lys!” Emma called out, running after her friend. Alyssa turned around.

“Ye- woah.” Alyssa’s eyes lit up. “Your hair, your clothes- you-”

“I know!” Emma grinned. “I visited gran’s yesterday and Greg cut it, and gran found out and shook her head and then fixed it up for me. I decided to keep the indigo streak for now but my parents are seeing it today and I’m kinda nervous but I’m sure my grandma will be able to say Greg was just fucking around and messed it up and they’ll buy it but-” She paused, registering Alyssa’s silence. “Wait, you don’t like it, do you? Shit. I’m s-” Emma was cut off by Alyssa cupping her face in her hands.

“Em, you look so happy like this. I’m so proud of you. You’re beautiful.” She said earnestly. This time, Emma didn’t try to quell the blush that rose from her cheeks to the tips of her ears. “That flannel isn’t yours though, it’s-”

“Gregs, yea. He let me have a few of his old ones since I don’t exactly have any of my clothes at grans.” Emma smiled. “Uhm, thank you. Really. For encouraging me to do this. I can’t- I can’t explain how much you mean to me- I mean, your words mean to me- they helped me so much, Alyssa. Thank you. Now I just need to uhm- fix the whole. Kyle situation.”

“Greg and I can tell him you’re breaking up with him?” Alyssa offered. “I don’t mind being anti-cupid.” 

“That would be great, wanna meet in the band closet before Chemistry? I know you don’t do well in lab.”

“Emma, we’re making  _ peanut brittle  _ today. I’m not going to mess up peanut brittle.”

Emma simply stuck her tongue out and ran off. “See you, Greene!”

Now it was Alyssa’s turn to worry about her cheeks flushing. 

  
  



End file.
